These Phrases given by A Father Which Saved Me during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was just trying to survive for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You need assistance. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, less is said about the challenges new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a larger failure to open up between men, who continue to internalise negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a show of failure to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - taking a few days abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a family member, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I believe my role is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."